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Teaser Umbra by Chandrakanta

Umbra by Chandrakanta

Banner by: Chandrakanta

Beta: bexie25

Pre-readers: bexie25, Bubbleybear, sherryola, & Team Edward Rules All

Summary: 

Bella knows her destiny has always been to become a vampire, joined with Edward for eternity. Edward, cherishing his mate’s humanity, has long fought against the inevitable. Reunited, they are learning to become a stronger couple. Will they learn to overcome the dark thoughts and doubts that plague them? Eclipse chapter one rewritten.

Teaser

Over the past few weeks, I’ve assisted Bella in applying to several colleges and had a few more for her to try as well, but I’d sensed she wasn’t really interested in attending college right now, and not just because she believed she would be changed and unable to attend. My grip on the papers tightened infinitesimally. A part of me—growing larger by the day—wanted her changed, but not now.

Miraculously, her arguments against me—namely about the existence of souls in vampires—had been gaining weight in my mind. I took a moment to reflect on Bella’s most recent argument on the subject.

“Edward,” Bella asked, looking directly into my eyes, “we need to talk about my change.”

I began to speak but she held up her hand, halting my words.

“Specifically,” she continued, “regarding your belief about your soul, and by extension my soul and the souls of our family. That is your biggest argument against changing me, isn’t it?”

I grimaced, nodding.

“Right. In my opinion, there are several holes in your argument. I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I’d appreciate it if you’d let me speak without interrupting.

“First, there’s the argument that you can love; you care about humans as well as each other. If you were soulless, wouldn’t you be focused solely on blood and killing rather than fighting your instincts because you don’t want to be a monster?

“Second, while I haven’t heard about your change in detail, Emmett told me about his. I found it telling that he never lost consciousness during the transformation process. While it’s terrible never to have had even the most brief reprieve from the pain of transformation, never losing consciousness indicates he (and I assume the rest of you as well) never actually died, so your souls couldn’t have left your bodies.

“I know that your heart stopped and you don’t require oxygen to survive, but your brain never ceased functioning. By my view, you didn’t actually die, you merely metamorphosed into a different life form that has different vital signs and physical requirements for survival.

“Third is the theological argument. Now I don’t know a lot about God and the Bible, but I think I know enough and it’s pretty simple to me. Do you believe in God or not?

“If you believe in God, then you must believe that He is the Creator. If He’s the Creator, that means He created everything in the universe, including vampires. If He created vampires, then He chose to create them from humans.

“Most vampires are changed—including you—without their knowledge or consent. Isn’t damnation or salvation all about free will and the choices you make in life, so how could becoming a vampire alone result in damnation? How could you be damned unless you make choices against His commandments?

“I know you’re going to try and argue that you chose to hunt humans and that would damn you if nothing else did. I say bullshit! Wasn’t the whole point of the New Testament about the forgiveness of sins for those who repent and change their ways? If you haven’t repented your sins and changed your ways, I don’t know anyone who has.

“Now, on the flip side, what about if you don’t believe in God? That makes it even easier. If you don’t believe in God, no one has souls, or if they do exist they can can’t be either damned or blessed, and there’s no such thing as Heaven or Hell. Therefore, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

“So, which is it? Do you believe in God or not? If you believe in God, explain to me exactly how you and our family can be damned!”

I was rendered speechless by my beautiful fierce Bella. I’d heard variations of what she’d said before from Carlisle, but her arguments somehow seemed different than his—more meaningful. She smiled smugly at me, taking in my expression. She reclined back in her bed and snuggled up to me. The subject was closed for now.

I conceded that I could be—probably am—wrong in everything I’ve long believed. In all our choices so far in our relationship, Bella has almost always been right and I’ve almost always been wrong. Why not about this, too?

Regardless, changing her too soon would be just asking for trouble. She needs time to heal mentally and emotionally from the damage I caused by leaving her. She needs to work on improving her self-esteem and confidence, and it needs to be done while she’s still human. If these things remain unresolved when she’s changed, she’ll be frozen with those negative feelings and doubts, and it will be much more difficult for her to overcome them.

Now, I just needed to convince her.